elbib

 

The following is short free verse – or indeed, a short story – written when I was a violently atheistical teenager. It’s curious, reading it back now at a time when, strangely, I have more faith but less certainty. 

 

 

In the end there was light, and so many words in so many languages, cultures, a universe of understanding on one planet. And God said “I no longer exist, for I no longer must exist;” and then the people said it: first in their billions, then millions. Following this were centuries of commerce and industry, of pleasure and work, the worship of humanity the brightest light.

But then there came a congregation, a filling of churches, and millions did go there and praised the dead God, the only God they had known: thereupon there came Belief, and they said, “Who art in Heaven,” with their hearts in their savouring mouths, and love on their tongues.

The population became less numerous. They attended their churches and factories: they no longer danced, they exchanged bright robes for rags. Their Kings were in the thrones of the God, yet those Kings were ungodly and wicked. The men were weak, and in that weakness made women and children weaker. They began to obey the echoes in those marble palaces, in reverence of a Son who would save them, a Son beyond doubt. And the schools were demolished, and the poor worked and toiled and died in the fields, and grew fewer. There came wars, many wars, symptoms of the disease, the angry faith. The books were hidden, torn into pulp and buried in trees: there became but one book, Elbib, and it was the name of the book.

Then there was a time of great uncertainty, as the Son became folklore, a dancing myth of the mad and the imprisoned: and then the Son lived. There was no Trinity. And he buried himself in the earth for three days, emerged to be raised on a cross, and given life.

For thousands of years there had been devotion and disease, and the death of words: then the people left, with their scriptures; hoping for a Son, yet in the thrall of the Father. Their faith grew vague and forgotten, different, myths from Babylon and Sumer: the language lost its letters, its shape and its dance.

Life scrabbled after life. The moon rose and descended. The people were sickly, and savage, no longer people; no longer beasts of warm, red blood; no longer breathed the air.

Untold time elapsed. Darkness was brought into the world, for the purpose of creation. And the God said, “I exist, for now I must.”

 

 

Sing to me

 

 

Through echoes of the night,

Your music rings out, patiently:

Sing on, to the morning.

Sing to me.

 

Through whispers out of sight,

The trees might hush your midnight plea.

Wait until our dawning:

Sing to me.

 

As worries make their bed,

And when the moonlight wearies, see

The promise of our keeping:

Sing to me.

 

Though starless overhead,

My candle waits, enduringly.

Keep this light from sleeping:

Sing to me.

 

 

Weeding

 

Dead dandelions.jpeg

 

 

Stooped over the gravel, back bent, knees crunching

Like the stones, I don’t resemble a God.

Yet as I prise the deep root of the dandelion,

Its tattered mane in gladiator hands,

A score of woodlice rupture from the pit

Where once they lived: some on their backs, prostrate

Like victims of circumstance, or genocide.

Silently vulnerable. Nearby, a blackbird

Bobs up and down, impatient for a feast.

Unblinking, wide-eyed dinosaur descendant,

Its mortgage overdue, with chicks to feed.

Somewhere, I’m sure such eyes are watching me.

For now, I hold the ruptured plant aloft,

The citizens scattering over one another:

Not cruel, but a disinterested God,

Who goes about the business of massacre

And upheaval as part of the mundane, necessary

Process of de-weeding a gravel drive.

 

 

A modern fable. But remember: at any one time, we are all of us the God, the blackbird, the woodlouse and the dandelion. 

 

 

Cider

 

 

Teetering over, you brought on a broad tray

Three cylinders of sun: all dancing deep

In their glasses, with your every eager step,

Before you laid,

 

As summer’s gift, the golden offering down.

Mine stood, tall as a sky, scintillating

With sweet promise: sun-dazed, I took her waist,

My gentle one,

 

Her body cool as the lake we gazed across:

And lingering, at last, she kissed my lips,

A soft breeze through my teeth, my breath: one gasp

Of paradise.

Spent

 

empty bottle

 

An emerald-empty bottle draws the sight

Much brighter than one dulled by waiting wine.

Its lack of promise captivates the light,

A prism for this recklessness of mine.

 

Do we save our sorrows on what can’t be saved;

Spend wishes on a star that sailed away?

Have our last words already been engraved:

“But there is so much more, I wished to say…”

 

Just as we pour away the sand of dreams,

But sift it through our hands once we have woken,

The song of love is truest heard in screams.

We keenest feel the heart, once it has broken.

 

 

A Hollow God

 

Without blood sacrifice, no God can kill.

We built our temple around his living form,

Left space for him to breathe our sullen prayers,

Room to move around us, and a plot

To bury our dead inside his edifice.

Walking now around the ruins, it seems

No Atlas bears the monument to Atlas.

We wonder at their wonder, years ago,

Take pictures of the grooves around the altar

Where death and worship drained from animals.

Yet the temple stands. We cannot tear it down:

We built our roads around it, kept it there

As a landmark, for our cities and our speech.

And talking to the fellow at the bar

Who swears to god there is no God to swear to,

And in his absence speaks the one true name

Of a hollow god, we emptily Amen.

 

 

Helios

 

sunset fire.jpg

 

 

We worship the sun-child with dances of fire,

The purposive death to the perilous night.

The golden ascent and the chance to inspire

The old gods to relish in violent delight.

We bow to the cry, ‘til the motions expire:

And blood in the sky is a merciful sight,

Facing the sun-death with dances of fire

And tracing the touch of the westering light.

 

 

We may no longer all worship pagan deities. But we are sun-worshippers.