“Revenge of the Liquidism!!”




You are, entirely, a monster. You are

The papier-mâché, one-headed body horror thing

Sliding over itself, tongue lashing

Hydraulic hydra-lick, you little cutie,

Laughing your crawling way closer and closer.


You are the hammy Hammer Horror

Silhouette on my staircase, a shadow’s claw

Groping over the balustrade, gliding

Like a knockoff Nosferatu

Sleazily upward. You are


The claw of foam and PVC

Around my waist, alien eyes

Glowing preposterously,

Lobster claw around my pinchable waist:

Nothing more intimate than

Distressing a damsel.


You’re even the backing score, the organ

Bum-bah-Bummmmming an implausible dread

To thunder and sound-effect villain chuckles

As the titles loom up like a Power Point

In flickering monochrome

Dripping in blooded letters,


…Because the difference between romance

And cheesy horror, if there is one,

Is mostly the font.



A poem of love, dedicated to my horror-devoted monster of a husband. Also, look up Liquidism font: you’ll notice that it is ubiquitous, in one form or another, across all of the tackiest examples of the genre. Love it. 





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