I think there have been times when, applying for a stop-gap job or something just to pay the rent for a while, we have all got sick and tired of the strange game of mutual deception played in the admissions process. I think we have all wanted to write a perfectly honest CV which simply states it as our soul demands.
Age: Still and forever 21.
Interests: At times, none;
Other times, I enjoy the company of friends in wine,
Or wine in friends, depending,
Musing on nothing but beautiful things.
I also enjoy chocolate, honestly.
Qualifications: I did school. That happened once, I think.
I excelled at dalliance. I loved to read,
By sixth form I delighted in the flings
Of passion, and discovered the art of drink.
Ambitions: At times, a little less than none.
At others, to be in love with everyone;
To wish impossible happenings;
To smile upon life from the shade of an autumn tree;
I’d love one day to make one perfect gesture
In a restaurant, or say the perfect line
To insult an assailant mid-stride, to meek submission.
Such is my mission.
Wishing for summer to last a little longer:
I’ll await however long the hour that’s mine.
Aspiring writers and artists should particularly sympathise with the urge just to shout, half-way through the “tell me about yourself” sections, that I AM AN ARTIST, LIFE IS TOO BEAUTIFUL FOR THIS JOB BUT PLEASE GIVE ME MONEY