Most Honest Curriculum Vitae

 

I think there have been times when, applying for a stop-gap job or something just to pay the rent for a while, we have all got sick and tired of the strange game of mutual deception played in the admissions process. I think we have all wanted to write a perfectly honest CV which simply states it as our soul demands. 

 

Age: Still and forever 21.

Interests: At times, none;

Other times, I enjoy the company of friends in wine,

Or wine in friends, depending,

Evenings never-ending,

Musing on nothing but beautiful things.

I also enjoy chocolate, honestly.

Qualifications: I did school. That happened once, I think.

I excelled at dalliance. I loved to read,

By sixth form I delighted in the flings

Of passion, and discovered the art of drink.

Ambitions: At times, a little less than none.

At others, to be in love with everyone;

To wish impossible happenings;

To smile upon life from the shade of an autumn tree;

I’d love one day to make one perfect gesture

In a restaurant, or say the perfect line

To insult an assailant mid-stride, to meek submission.

Such is my mission.

Availability: Reluctantly,

Wishing for summer to last a little longer:

I’ll await however long the hour that’s mine.

 

Aspiring writers and artists should particularly sympathise with the urge just to shout, half-way through the “tell me about yourself” sections, that I AM AN ARTIST, LIFE IS TOO BEAUTIFUL FOR THIS JOB BUT PLEASE GIVE ME MONEY 

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